Getting past the offense

May 24, 2006

By Gary Rogers

Keaton, my 4-year-old grandson, came into the room crying. His face was screwed up into wrinkles and he had his best whiny voice projecting his position. The words that came out of his mouth were not so much a desire for sympathy, but a petition for retaliation.

“Torrin punched me!”

Keaton’s motive was clear. He wanted his older cousin to get a spanking for mistreating him.

“Do you want me to spank Torrin?” I asked.

His tears stopped, the whiny voice cleared to perfection, and he cheerfully announced, “Yeah!”

In my attempt to have the total picture I asked, “Keaton, what did you do to him?”

A little devious grin came on Keaton’s face as he answered, “I punched him.”

In dealing with hurt feelings and offense, one of the most difficult things to do is to get the complete facts. Once offended the hurt deepens and the victim just wants retaliation for the source of their pain. They tend to ignore their role in bringing about the problem and focus on the pain they are experiencing. They just want someone to pay a price for their hurt.

Offended people rarely suffer in silence. They want to screw up their face and cry loudly enough so someone will rally to their cause and perhaps retaliate against their source of opposition.

What is the answer to this weakness? I like the saying, “The way to get even is to forget.”

In mature Christianity we must forgive and forget the offense. Yes, we will be offended. Yes, people will say and do things we don’t like. Yes, there will be misunderstandings even between Christians. What matters is how we handle the offense when it comes.

“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-25, NKJV).

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14,15, NKJV).

Gary Rogers is senior pastor of First Assembly of God in Coweta, Okla.