Maturity: Being in charge of me

January 23, 2007

By Jerry Scott

Are you living like a perpetual teenager with poor impulse control, unable or unwilling to choose the best path when there is no one “in charge”?

One of the frightening things about parenting a teenager is that he or she is old enough to act somewhat independently, but usually is lacking the ability to monitor and regulate personal behavior. For example, when you hand your son the keys to the car you may be confident in his ability to operate the automobile’s controls, but you’re much less confident about his good judgment.

Dr. Henry Cloud writes, “It is one thing to drive safely when you look in the rearview mirror and see a policeman. That is external feedback. It is another thing to drive safely when you’re out on the road by yourself. That is maturity.” (Integrity, Collins, 2006).

Many Christians who ought to be mature in the Lord and capable of making choices that lead to a Christ-honoring life are still in the grip of their emotions and impulses. Their appetites rage out of control. They appear to be unable to step up to the inconvenient, the unpleasant or the difficult choices today that would lead them to a better life tomorrow.

I once thought maturity would free me from making mistakes altogether. But that did not factor in two important issues: that I do not always have all the facts I need to make a ‘perfect’ decision; and that I am a sinful man who cannot always live above the temptations of this life because I am broken.

Maturity, emotional and intellectual, allows me to step outside of myself and see what I am doing or have done. Maturity causes me to correct my actions, bringing them in line with God’s will and acceptable standards without waiting for someone else to threaten punishment or to enforce the rules.

When the mature person realizes he has made a mistake, he owns his choice without shifting blame and proactively adjusts his actions to avoid compounding the error. Maturity doesn’t mean, “I can do it all myself.” It means, “I take charge of me and seek whatever resources I need to become the person God wants me to be.”

The Word challenges us to maturity.

“ … Until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

“You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds.”

(Ephesians 4:13-23, NIV)

Do you see the keys to maturity that are revealed in that passage?

There is vision. Look at Christ. Study His life and measure yourself by Him! We won’t grow up if we are content to use lesser standards.

There is truth. Know the truth, accept the truth, and relentlessly insist on living in the truth — even when it’s not pleasant.

There is choice. Understand there is right and there is wrong! Then choose. Note the strong action phrase, “put off your old self.” If we want to grow up, we cannot just be passive, waiting for someone to do the hard work for us. We must take the old ways off like old dirty clothes and toss them aside in the trash!

Then the same passage says, “Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24). The Word is not telling us to “put on” as in pretending to be someone we are not, as an actor “puts on” a costume or makeup to change his appearance. Rather, we are to take Christ and put the life He gives us in place in our life! We are called to take the steps necessary to change our behavior so that we are truly holy.

Here near the beginning of 2007, let me encourage you to “grow up”! If you’re making excuses for eating too much, have a mouth that is out of control, or failing to meet God’s high expectations, stop! Tell yourself, “I am in charge of me!” Prayerfully seek a new vision of who God wants you to be. Face the truth and allow others to hold a mirror up for you. And “put on” Christ. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to practice the disciplines of grace that create openings into your soul where you are changed from the inside out.

Jerry D. Scott is senior pastor at Washington (N.J.) Assembly of God.