Forgiveness, easier said than done!

December 21, 2006

By Jerry Scott

On hearing the news of the woman’s choice, anger surged through me like an ocean wave. How could she do this? Whatever is she thinking? were my more rational thoughts. On a parallel track in my mind played the words I had used to counsel someone that same day about choosing to forgive.

I had urged that angry person to remember forgiveness is as much a benefit to the forgiver as the forgiven, that forgiveness requires we give up the need to be right or vindicated or even appreciated. Now I faced the challenge of practicing what I preach.

We can find hundreds of excuses to dodge the issue of forgiveness, can’t we? “He hasn’t apologized.” “She needs to face up to what she’s done to me.” “What about justice?” “He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven!” “If I forgive her, what will she learn about the consequences of her actions?”

Who hasn’t offered some similar excuse at one time or another? Yes, apologies do pave the road of forgiveness. God does cares about justice. Learning to accept responsibility for things we’ve said and done to harm others is a major part of maturity. But none of those realities gives you or me a pass on forgiveness.

Finding the way to forgiveness is a critically important discipline for the person who wants to live like Jesus. The Lord does not give us any wiggle room on the subject. In His model prayer, one phrase is “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12, NKJV).

Jesus taught we have the power of choice in forgiveness and our decision to forgive really matters to God. While offering that model prayer as an example to His disciples, Jesus went on to say, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14,15).

We can learn much about how to forgive from God’s forgiveness of those who sin against Him.

• Forgiveness begins with you and me, not the person who has offended us. God extends the offer of forgiveness to us at His own expense. He initiates the process. So must we! We cannot be passive, waiting for someone to seek forgiveness. We must pray through our anger, hurt and offense, doing the spiritual and emotional work necessary to genuinely offer forgiveness with the help of the Spirit. Then we will be able to reach out graciously.

• Forgiveness with God is not partial, nor conditional. When He forgives and we accept His forgiveness, there is a wonderful phrase that describes the extent of His forgiveness: “You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19, NIV).

• Forgiveness is a process, not an event. We offend God; He forgives … again and again. And we should regularly seek that forgiveness, never allowing our sins to quietly fill our spirit. God’s desire is that we live close to Him daily, that we allow His forgiveness to regularly cleanse our guilt and shame. He doesn’t want anything to alienate us from His love. In our earthly relationships, we don’t wait until Christmas or a birthday or some family gathering to suddenly “clean up” the junk that has accumulated in a relationship. If we want a relationship to thrive, we need to be forgiving daily, gently finding ways to keep our relationships with others close and safe and trusting.

• Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. God offers forgiveness, but for real reconciliation to occur, we must receive it appropriately with repentance. Finding peace with another person requires the involvement of both, but releasing them from indebtedness to us over an offense is a personal choice!

Are you feuding with someone, feeling offended by another’s actions, dealing with anxiety over an unresolved dispute? Dear friend, it’s time to start to forgive.

Honestly take your emotions to the Lord. Tell Him how you feel, what you feel, why you think you feel that way. Ask Him to help you to find a way to genuine forgiveness. Tell God you don’t want to carry the load of resentment any longer, that you trust Him to deal justly, that He knows the motives, the reality of the situation better than you do. Then, as Jesus teaches, begin to “bless those who curse you.”

You will find a new sweetness of spirit enveloping you, a sense of health overtaking you, a newly peaceful sleep filling your nights.

Jerry D. Scott is senior pastor of Washington (N.J.) Assembly of God.